The Hidden Misogyny Behind Beloved Romantic Comedy Films

Spellbinding rain confessions, intervening in a grand wedding, and dramatic airport appearances—these are some, believe it or not, of the most revered and highly adored plots of the tremendously popular and timeless romantic comedy movies known to provide entertainment and deviate us from mundane life encounters.

However, what if I tell you that these immense love gestures are mostly perceived through the lens of the man, overlooking a woman’s autonomy and viewpoint? Would you still prefer to breathe life into these grand romantic gestures?

Let us first scrutinize how these gestures are executed. Our first candidate is Noah from the 2004 American romantic drama The Notebook. This box office hit emerged as one of the most famous and iconic romantic dramas of all time. It has become ingrained in the minds of all hopeless romantic teenage girls who desire for their own Noah Calhoun—who will build you the house of your dreams and kiss you amidst the heavy downpour. These moments alone imprinted themselves as pop-culture touchstones and created a new genre of “male yearners” and “the man who can’t be moved”—a reference to the 2008 hit ballad by The Script, which soon developed into a TikTok trend, with fans pairing the song with emotional scenes from the movie.

With that being said, let us first dissect all the emotional hullabaloo this movie depicted and how these grand romantic gestures are enacted in the most extreme ways.

A Near-Death Experience in Exchange for a Date

In the first half of the film, it is particularly noticeable that our leading man, Noah Calhoun, has found a spirited woman, Allie Hamilton, with whom to kindle a romantic connection. At the carnival, Noah relentlessly pursued Allie to spend time with him, ignoring the visible discomfort in the latter’s disposition. To take it up a notch, when Allie and her date decided to ride the Ferris wheel, Noah did not perceive this as an insurmountable circumstance; instead, he took it as a challenge. It is as if he is the prince from Sleeping Beauty, facing the nefarious dragon all by himself. With that, Noah climbed up to the moving Ferris wheel, threatening that he would let go of the bars and fall to the very bottom if Allie did not go out with him on a date.

Powerless against the situation, Allie agreed.

Now, to further assess the uproar, it is highly visible that Noah is clearly overriding Allie’s personal boundaries, making the situation a ground to showcase “love and devotion” instead of placing the bigger picture where the male lead is clearly guilty of harassment, and the female lead is a forlorn victim of this hysterically daft love confession. This is a great example of a film’s shallowness in depicting both viewpoints. The problem with these grand gestures is that they center the suitor’s needs, and the woman is just a surface for whatever you throw at her. Because when push comes to shove, the ends always justify the means—the guy bags the girl, happily ever after.

Now, let’s move on to one of the pioneers of the grand gesture blueprint. The 2003 holiday classic Love Actually left a massive mark on the stones of pop culture. The scene where Mark shows up at Juliet’s doorstep on Christmas Eve and silently flips through handwritten cue cards, one of which reads “To me, you are perfect,” is the most recognizable of them all. It made viewers swoon through the roof, leading to widespread parodies endlessly referenced in TV shows and re-enacted in movies.

Is It Really the Christmas Carolers?

Another case in point is when Mark appeared at Juliet’s doorstep on Christmas Eve. He was standing there, looking sharply at Juliet with his piercing electric-blue eyes, while enigmatically holding a series of large handwritten cue cards without any hope or agenda, just plunging himself right into action.

Mark instructed Juliet to tell her husband, Peter—who was inside the house, innocently watching television—that it was a group of Christmas carol singers. He utilized a portable stereo playing “Silent Night” to mask the real situation that was currently unfolding.

He flipped through the large cue cards, declaring his unrequited love to the woman who was married to his best friend. Additionally, to justify his actions, he wrote on one of the cards that “And at Christmas you tell the truth.” Well, be that as it may, it is not a universal fact that you are to disseminate visibly damaging information, especially in this context, by telling a married woman that you have romantic feelings for her.

Woven into the bargain, the actress playing Juliet, Keira Knightley, recalled that the film’s director initially had to coach her expression during filming, telling her that she was looking at Andrew Lincoln, the actor playing Mark, in an unnerving, creepy way. Validating her primal response as a woman, if a man shows up at my front door, with the emphasis that he is your husband’s close best friend, who is immensely taciturn and does not initiate conversation with me one bit, I would feel weird all over as well. Considering that one part of the film disclosed that Mark had been filming Juliet privately for years, it adds up to the observation that Mark has this borderline stalker personality.

When all is said and done, the end always justifies the means, and Mark received a quick peck on the lips.

The Final Verdict

Both scenes contribute to the underlying misogyny of the films. The mere fact that the camerawork, the lighting, and most of the lines in the script mainly belong to the man speaks volumes. The attention is within the scope of his endeavor—to bag the woman. However, does the woman even want to be in that position in the first place? The usage of coercion to ask her for a date and to show up at her door uninvited to confess your feelings to her while she is married to your closest friend strips women of their autonomy for the sake of dominating them.

Another factor is the erosion of consent and the act of ignoring “no.” We women have been labeled throughout the course of history as stubborn and not knowing what we want. Men comprehend these answers as doublespeak. Hence, these men view a simple, clear-cut, and decisive no as a puzzle, a test, or even a riddle to surmount.

Their selfish desire to successfully pursue and win over a woman overpowers the latter’s own wants and needs. Therefore, the endpoint of the movie’s message is do not force someone if they are not ready to enter any kind of relationship with you, but if you work hard enough and persevere, you can get your way into love. While the undertaking is cloaked in the language of innocent devotion, the execution and eventual fallout expose a deeply corrosive current.

One detrimental factor is the mentality of If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. Why? Because I said so! Fate and serendipity resigned from their jobs as the main guiding lights for the shows' characters and were rather replaced by the frenzied delirium of the male leads. This masquerades forceful psychological penetration with the male character’s so-called will and devotion.

As a feminist in this modern world, where our perspective of things is sometimes based on what we see on screen, this is a practice we have been accustomed to for years. However, addressing the implicit indications of misogyny behind these beloved comfort romcoms does not indicate that we are to abandon the entirety of the genre altogether. Nevertheless, being knowledgeable about these implications connotes that you are media literate and that you engage in constructive conversations about how media shapes our expectations about love and power, most especially if you are a woman who grew up with these types of media. It is imperative to know what these occurrences imply and how to evade these situations completely.

Practicing critical media literacy contributes greatly to our critical observation and decision-making processes. By identifying toxic tropes such as “the reformed bad boy,” the persistent guy whose stalking or boundary-crossing is framed as “romantic,” and the idea that a woman must sacrifice her career for a happy ending, we are enabled to peruse these tropes through a pivotal and constructive lens.

“And this is what post feminism encourages us to do. Rather than trying to dismantle the structures that inhibit us, it encourages us to just find personal happiness within the structure. The system stays intact, the woman adapts, and we call it a happily ever after. And yet there’s somehow another layer to this. These films are produced by a major corporation.” — Delilah Yick, The Love Stories We Were Sold (TED-Ed Talk)